


bury my future behind

by nuttyshake



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-01
Updated: 2017-05-01
Packaged: 2018-10-26 08:55:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,237
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10783587
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nuttyshake/pseuds/nuttyshake
Summary: Gansey has one last surprise for Blue before they leave for their gap year.





	bury my future behind

**Author's Note:**

  * For [broadbeard25](https://archiveofourown.org/users/broadbeard25/gifts).



__ On some days more than others, it was harder to remember that kissing Gansey again would result in his third death.

It was hard not being able to honestly talk to her coworkers at Nino’s about it, when they asked. 

_ “So how long have you two been together?” “Little less than six months.” _

_ “And how was your first kiss?” “Oh, it took his breath away.” “So romantic.” _

It was also hard watching Ronan and Adam steal gentle pecks when they thought they were alone, or catching glances while the four of them were huddled together on the couch that hinted at something incredibly R rated going on between them behind closed doors, or just the easiness that stemmed from not having to worry about being too close or wanting too much.

Not that she blamed her friends for finally being happy, or together. They had, out of all of them – the only exception being, possibly, Noah – endured more pain and tragedy in the past year that any human should’ve had to, and it meant more to her than they could ever know to see them smiling so openly and so often. She just wished her own love could be so easily celebrated, so easily rejoiced.

It was  _ not _ particularly hard when, despite all of Blue’s protests, Gansey blindfolded her one day when she showed up on his doorstep and led her to what was to be her room – canvases she would rip at the edges and splatter with color, next to several frames on the wall that would hold all of her family pictures, and a sewing machine ready to embroider textures she could only dream of, beautiful paintings and fairy lights and blue lilies scattered all over the window sills overlooking her own personal garden. And there was other stuff, some that Gansey had no doubt asked Ronan to take out of his dreams for him, stuff he’d remembered from previous conversations – paint color that changed with the mood, a red fluffy carpet in front of a fireplace that had opened up in the wall, a control board next to the light switch that seemed to choose just the right song for her state of mind.

It was all she’d ever wanted and all she could never have achieved by herself, and it was nothing but another strenuous display of Gansey’s ridiculously well-off financial situation, set to make everyone else feel bad in comparison.

She slammed the door on his enthusiastic explanation over the theatre-sized plasma tv screen to turn on him, red-faced with what Gansey, smile still plastered on, had probably mistaken for a blush .  “What is  _ wrong _ with you? What were you thinking?”

And just like that, Gansey’s smile fell, anticipation brutally wiped off. “You don’t like it?”

“I love it. It’s absolutely perfect. That’s the problem.”

“Should- uh…” Gansey rubbed the back of his head, “should I have appealed less to your tastes? Is that what people do - give each other bad gifts? Just checking, because admittedly, I don’t have much experience on these matters.”

“Are you-” Blue just gaped at him. The insolence. The entitlement. “Is anything less than  _ this  _ a bad gift? Is all that  _ I _ can afford not ever going to be enough for you?”

“I’ve never said that,” Gansey explained far more calmly than the situation at hand required, which in turn angered her more. “You just seem so offended over it being  _ perfect _ , I wondered-”

“It’s not about it being perfect,” she growled, “it’s about it being more than I can give back to you. We’re supposed to be equals in this, and already you’re one-upping me.”

“I’m not trying to make you feel bad! I just wanted to do something nice for y- where are you going?”

Blue shrugged her winter coat back on, hair plastered under the hoodie as she started marching back towards the door – hoping to find it somewhere in the direction she’d headed towards. “Home. Adam’s. I don’t know. Somewhere nice and austere that doesn’t make me feel like shit.”

“Jane, come on.” His footsteps thundered behind her as he raced after her. “You don’t have to move in there if you don’t want to. You can think of it as- as a shrine?”

She shook her head, knowing he could see it. “You’re already paying for most of my gap year. If I’d wanted a sugar daddy, I would’ve picked one better dressed.”

“First, Henry and I are both paying. Second, never say  _ that  _ word again, and third, my fashion sense is sound, thank you very much.”

Blue kept walking.

“Blue.”

She kept walking.

“Come on, there’s no exit over there. You’re going to end up in the bathroom.”

She stopped in front of the glass doors, gently pushing them open to check. “There’s a fridge in there.”

“Yeah.”

“Oh my God.”

“Blue,” he huffed, breath playing lightly on her neck when he finally caught up to her. “Let’s just talk about it.”

“Gladly. Do you have any idea how antigenic this is? Whose idea even was it to put a freaking  _ fridge _ in the-”

“Not about the fridge. About the room – your room.”

It was the last thing she wanted to talk about, seeing as she’d never make him see how worthless she felt, how much anger simmered under her skin at the thought of spending the rest of her life making it up to him, trying to cover the advantage he’d now got on her. She’d talk about anything but that. “It was Ronan, wasn’t it?”

“He made running the electricity in one place seem like a good idea at the time, but now listen to me.” 

Blue sighed, finally turning around. She hated storming out on him like this, didn't want to make a scene right before their departure, when they should've been stronger than ever and ready to take on their next adventure. But it also added to her annoyance, that he could afford to spend this much money and put such an effort on a room she would never even live in. "Why did you do it? This time next month we'll be unpacking in the first of many houses all over the world. We'll sleep in motels and tiny apartments and tents - we'll have every place we want."

"But I wanted-" Gansey rushed into explaining, an habit of his that usually ended up with him saying something offensive. Blue liked to think he was trying to fix it, and that it was the reason why he paused before speaking, trying to collect his thoughts. "I wanted you to have this one."

He looked pained, like admitting that truth had drained the life out of him. Blue looked up at him under her eyelashes. "Why?"

"Because I know you think you don't belong here, and I wanted to change that." He winced, or maybe attempted a charming smile. Blue didn't know, but she decided to lay off. Gansey, in turn, trailed shaky fingers up her arm, tickling the tips of her fingers, her knuckles, her inner wrist. When it looked like he would move on to her forearm, his hand slipped down into hers, pulling gently.  _ Come _ , he seemed to say.  _ Come to me _ , and she did.

She followed him all the way down the hallway, back into the room, light touches passing between them like kisses. Looking at the space he'd built for her, at the blue walls, at the queen-sized bed nestled right under the window, just the way she liked it, at all the tiny details he knew she'd love in all the right places, she ached again for an entirely different reason.  _ Unfair, unfair, unfair _ .

"So now," Gansey tried again, "whether we decide to settle down in Venezuela or Japan, or whether we come back running to Henrietta and stay here until we're old and gray, there will always be a piece of Monmouth testifying you were here, and had every reason to be."

Blue wanted to lay her head upon his shoulder, but for some reason she couldn't put her finger on, she didn't. It wasn't pride, not anymore. It was something akin to self-defense. "What happens when you sell the house? When we're in Venezuela or Japan, or you're struggling with your finances," as unlikely as that was, "or just grow tired of it?"

Gansey, next to her, looked positively horrified. "It would have to be a unanimous decision, and I am never selling the house - not if I can help it. I just got it back."

She shook her head. "I hate you," Blue all but whined, the remark missing all of her usual bite. "I really, really can't stand you. Did you know that?"

Gansey's light chuckle ruffled the back of her hair. "I did."

"I'm serious," she insisted, wheels turning in her head as she tugged at his sleeve so he was facing her. "So much."

"No doubt in my mind," he murmured, catching up to what she was doing but still letting her take the lead. If there was anything Gansey had never learnt how to do, it was responding appropriately, and she'd come to appreciate the wide-eyed looks sent her way when he pretended not to know what was going on. "Which is why I'm having all this stuff cleaned out tomorrow."

Shoulders nearly touching, and they still weren't close enough. Blue slid over the wall that now flashed hot pink, pulling a confused Gansey over her. "Such a nice speech, ruined so fast."

"I thought it was what you wanted."

Blue could think of only one thing she wanted right now, and she couldn't have it. "Yeah." But there was other stuff she could get behind, and she showed him just what it was.

Grabbing him by the lapels - so convenient, for her, that he kept wearing those hideous polo shirts - she buried her head in his neck, breathing him in -  _ and now we never speak of it again _ \- as she trapped Gansey's legs between hers, bodies sliding in place, every inch of them but their lips touching and burning up under the other's hands.

Blue didn't dare to look up from her chosen spot, Gansey's quick breaths in her ear - mint hitting her nostrils - the only indication of how much what they were doing was affecting him. She nuzzled the base of his neck again and again, wishing she could do just about anything else, twitching up and down on her tiptoes until finally, finally he got the hint and lifted her up to his same height. 

Legs wrapped tightly around his waist, back pressed against the wall where he'd pushed her, the sigh that escaped Blue's mouth at the new contact - hips meeting again and again and possessive hands gripping and trailing down the exposed skin of her thighs - was so utterly embarrassing that she felt her soul depart from her body, ready to jump at will in the nearest tree she could find. She'd hated her father for weeks after he'd decided to ditch all his responsibilities to live in her backyard, but perhaps he'd had the right idea, after all.

She was already thinking of how she could join him - would the willow be big enough for the both of them? - when Gansey moaned, or maybe squawked, in the back of his throat, sounding as breathless as she was.

She liked that noise. She wanted him to do that again.

She raked her nails farther down and pushed herself up.

Then hurried footsteps came running in, encouraged by the open door. There was a pause, that whoever had walked in on them clearly used to take in the sight before them and that Blue used to jump down from Gansey's waist and send yet another wish down to her father, before Ronan started wailing. " _ Holy shit _ . Holy shit, my  _ eyes _ ."

Blue averted her gaze from Gansey, messily trying to fix her hair and skirt in order to retain the last bit of her dignity. Adam, next to Ronan, didn't even try to mask the spark of mirth in his eyes, arms crossed in fake disapproval. "Disgusting, absolutely disgusting."

There had once been a time, even shortly after he'd started dating Ronan, that Adam wouldn't react well to any display of affection between Gansey and Blue, always unable to hide the slightest furrow of his eyebrow or the uneasy downturn of his lips. She was glad, at least, that he could now joke that easily over her and Gansey doing...that.

Blue felt her cheeks flame up.

"Don't tell me you're okay with what they're doing," Ronan insisted, catching Adam trying to smother down his laughter. "Seriously, Parrish, this isn't funny. Tell me we don't sound like that."

"It kinda is funny," Adam said, "considering all the times  _ they _ 've walked in on  _ us _ ."

"How the tables have turned," Gansey muttered, looking, to Blue's delight, not any less disheveled than she was - hair smoothed down, cheeks flushed, glasses hanging sideways. "So you see now how unpleasant that is."

"Yes," Ronan gritted, at the same time Adam calmly replied, "Kind of the opposite".

And that was how the four inhabitants of Monmouth, for four entirely different reasons, thought it better for all parties involved to give first priority to closing their respective rooms before engaging in any kind of canoodling, and to forget any and all comments made that day on said regard.


End file.
